[IBL] IBL Sand Crab Baseball is alarming so far

Doug Palmer aeronutty43 at gmail.com
Mon May 25 16:51:41 EDT 2015

Baltimore Sand Crab Baseball…..Let’s Get *Craaaaby!!!*

May 25, 2015: What usually marks the official end of Sand Crab baseball for
the season (unofficially dubbed “Mathematically Eliminated Day” among the
Crabby faithful), Memorial Day has come and the faithful are confused.  When
looking over the standings over their morning vodka and…more vodka, Crab
fans don’t see their team in the cellar of the AC West.  What is
particularly confusing is the fact that the win total (24) is the same as
the loss total (24) and we’re 8 weeks into the season.  Several fans have
called to the Sand Crab headquarters, trying to make sense of all this mess.
For years, the only time that the wins and losses are the same are either
when the season starts (0 wins, 0 losses) or late in the season when the
newspaper can’t wedge the “1” when printing “120” loses .  Yet here we sit,
on May 25th, and if the season were to end today…..well, it would be the
shortest season in IBL history.  AND, the Sand Crabs would be a position to
be the wildcard team.

The season has been a confusing one to say the least.  An 11 game willing
streak sandwiched between a pair of 8+ game losing streaks.  Over 200 days
lost to injuries thus far.  And a flair for the long ball (Crabs are tied
for 2nd with 47 home runs this year), makes this a season that has many
Crabby faithful scratching their heads in amazement.  Key to the Crabs
revival have been the newcomers, Jose Altuve and Colby Rasmus.  Altuve thus
far leads the AC in hits and stolen bases.  While Rasmus (the much maligned
signing this past winter) leads the AC with 15 home runs.  Even the
pitchers are getting in on the accolades!  Rookie Ken Giles is near the top
of the league in saves, and Rick Porcello has yet to lose a game.  Most
alarming, there isn’t ONE Crab pitcher in the top 20 of Earned Runs Allowed!
A category that was going to be renamed “List of horrific Crab
pitchers….and other scrubs”.

The season hasn’t been all sunshine and griddle cakes.  As mentioned
earlier, over 200 lost days to injuries has significantly hampered the
team; especially the pitching staff.  Arrieta just recently came off from
his stint that began on the first week of the season!  Sanchez, Cole and
Kelly are expected back as soon as this week (Sanchez).  Hopefully, their
stint on the DL  will be their only trip to that hellish black hole of
despair.  There’s also been Jose Altuve getting caught a whopping 25% of
the time on the basepaths.  Something that will need to change if the Crabs
are to continue this amazing season.

8 weeks in….still 19 to go and who knows what the future holds in store for
the Sand Crabs.  But at least the Crab faithful have a reason to come out
to the ballpark in June and July that doesn’t have anything to do with
“Free Prostate Exam Night”.  Speaking of which, Free Prostate Exam Night
will be held on July 15th this year so as to coincide with the hospital’s
“Bring Your Cousin to Work Day”.   A fun filled day for all to be sure.

Sand Crab Baseball……..The Crabs will have you *ITCHIN *for *WINNING *(for a
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