[IBL] IBL Baltimore Trade Flyer

[Doug Palmer]

Gentlemen.



As this is obviously the time of the year when trade flyers pervade our
emails like pleas from Nigerian Princes looking for financial shelter, I
bring you the trade flyer of which you have all been awaiting with the
anticipation of a young child in the days before Christmas.  Yes, I have
heard your longings for the trade flyer that puts all other trade flyers to
shame and I say onto thee….behold and cast your gaze upon the feast which I
present to you.  Therefore, without further adieu, I give you the



Baltimore Sand Crab Mid-Season Trade Flyer

Sayeth the bard, “Brevity is the soul of wit”.  Or perhaps that was Jim
Leyland, I’m not sure.  Either way, I have subscribed to this philosophy
all my life (although my subscription continuously gets lost in the mail).
The BS Flyer (I’ve shorten the name…see? Brevity!.....LOOK IT UP!!) is
composed of just two names.  But when you read the names, you will salivate
with excitement.  The hairs on the back of your neck will rustle and your
knees may buckle.  For the names contained here within make Honus Wagner
looks like a poor man’s Luis Valbuena.  Note that once you’ve read the
names, you will never be able to un-read them.

First on the list is a man…well, he’s much more than just a mortal man.
When he calls a game, young women weep.  Grown men shave and children
simply look in awe.  He has the arm of a Greek God.  Sal Butera once called
this man “a catcher”.  And when asked about his incredible arm, Johnny
Bench was quoted as saying “who?”.  Ignore the “0” throwing rating that the
bureaucrats at PtP have given him (they’re just jealous).  Ignore the “2”
error rating and the “F” range (again, it’s all politics).  He’s a -2
stealing rating because he spends his free time saving kittens in trees.
His name is synonymous with “serviceable”.  That man, that GOD among us, is
Hank Conger.  Yes people, THE Hank Conger is available.  While it breaks my
heart to part with the “man who would be great”, sometimes one must part
with something that is so much more than he shall ever be.  And that player
is “Hank Conger”.  And while I’m sure that I COULD ask for a #1 or #2 pick,
I won’t insult your intelligence.  The “politics” that pervades our society
today makes it impossible to ask for such a draft pick for the likes of
Hankerin’ Hank, although I’m sure you will all agree that he’s worth that
AND MORE due to his charisma.  No, he has asked….nay…DEMANDED that I
receive no more than a #5 draft pick for his services.  That’s the kind of
man that “Home-Schooled” Hank is.  Humble doesn’t begin to describe that
who is Conger.

So, if you feel that you are WORTHY of accepting “Handsome” Hank into your
fold, I will listen to said request.  But be wary, for once you have had
Sir Hank of Conger into your clubhouse, your clubhouse will never be the
same again.  And you may just learn something about yourself that you never
knew before.  I know that I am a better person for having Hank Conger (his
card anyway) in my life.  His card is so much more than numbers and
letters.  It's a microcosm of what IS life.



Doug Palmer

GM/Groundkeeper/PR Man for Hank Conger

Baltimore Sand Crabs



Oh yeah, Jose Tabata is available too.
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