[IBL] IBL: Minneapolis Millers Off to Rocky Start at Home

[genny]

 Several owners have lamented their team's lack of offense in the opening
days of IBL 2014.  I dare say no one had it worse off in the season's
opening hours than yours truly, as things got ugly fast in the Great White
North.
The Minneapolis Millers began their inaugural season with a home series
against the New York Knights.  The stands were full and hopes were high for
the opener.
Millers fans have been quite vocal in their lofty expectations for the team.
Coming off a playoff season as DTY, my efforts to posture this as an
"expansion team" have fallen flat.  It hasn't helped that each time the
Millers win and score four runs or more, a local butcher has promised fans
a free kielbasa smothered in onions.

Pregame festivities went well enough.  The highlight?  In a nod to the
brutally long winter in Minnesota, the ice sheet that had formed between
the mound and home plate was left intact for a ceremonial pregame "first
stone."  Noel Steele on behalf of NYK, I for MNM, and Rusty and Sean on
behalf of IBL dressed in Norwegian curling garb (a photo of us popped up at
this link<http://www.foxnews.com/sports/2014/01/22/norway-curlers-to-wear-crazy-funky-pants-in-sochi/>),
much to the delight of the many Scandinavians in attendance.  With Rusty
and Sean on the stones and Noel and I on the brooms, both "throws" crossed
the heart of the plate before sliding to a stop.  The crowd went wild.

After a brief delay while the ice sheet was removed, Brett Oberholtzer took
the mound and fired a first pitch strike.  The crowd, already well
lubricated after hours of tailgating, went wild.  They cheered again when
Oberholtzer retired NYK with nary a run scoring.

It was the last cheer that would be heard that day.

The NYK ace Jose Fernandez sauntered to the mound in the bottom of the
first, waved off any warm-up pitches, and immediately beckoned leadoff
hitter DeAza to the plate.  It was the beginning of a long afternoon for
the Millers.  Nine innings later, Fernandez had thrown a complete game
shutout and made NYK's single run stand-up for a 1-0 victory for the
visitors.

That would have been bad enough, but it certainly didn't help matters that
Fernandez decided to incite the crowd.  After every strikeout, he would
take his fist, pound it into his glove, and pretend to grind down grain
into flour.  Fernandez's mockery of the Millers name quickly caused things
to turn ugly, and by the end of the game fans were already calling for my
head.

In fact, later that night, 23,000 people showed up to call for a return of
the team to Detroit and to watch me burned in effigy in the Millers Stadium
parking lot.  To add insult to injury, they had me wearing an exact
replica of my Norwegian curling outfit when I was set afire.

I needed things to turn around - and fast - in game 2.

Justin Masterson had other ideas, however.  NYK's game 2 starter sent the
Millers down without a run for the first six innings of game 2, running the
Millers' scoreless streak to 15 innings.  Down 2-0 heading into the bottom
of the seventh, it felt like the entire season was already on the line as
Mitch Moreland came to the plate.

Then lightning struck.  Twice.

First, Mitch Moreland sent a long drive over the right field wall to pull
the Millers to within a run.  We uncorked a surprise for the crowd in
celebration, raining flour down like confetti over the stands.  I plan to
do it after every Millers home run, even though I learned later that few
seemed to appreciate being "battered up," as I like to call it.

That brought Cespedes to the plate.  And boom, he sent the first offering
over the left field wall for a home run, knotting the score at 2 and
triggering another fan-battering.  I couldn't have been happier.  The score
stayed tied at 2 until the bottom of the 11th, when a Heyward single drove
home Bonifacio from second, giving the Millers a much-needed victory.

The rubber game in the series stayed tight throughout too, with Cespedes'
second home run of the series, this time a two-run shot, making the
difference as the Millers again won by a 3-2 score.

So, when reflecting on your own team's slow offensive start, you might be
thankful that you did not have to endure 15 innings of no-run baseball and
a stadium full of angry Scandinavians.

And although you might think winning two out of three would have improved
the mood, it had the opposite effect.  Winning two games -but in each
instance falling just shy of four runs - meant 50,000 people twice came
close to winning free kielbasa smothered in onions, but twice walked away
disappointed.

Perhaps (former) Millers fan Bjorn Bjornland summed up the weekend best.  When
asked how he felt after seeing the Millers win game three, Byorn said, "I'm
covered in flour and hungry for a free kielbasa I'm not going to get.  How
the hell do you think I feel?"
It's going to be a long season.

[P.S.  I know attempts at "humor" like this can fall rather flat, being
mostly or entirely un-funny, so thanks for indulging me.]
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