[IBL] BAL Trade Menu

[Doug Palmer]

All,

There will come a time in the upcoming weeks when you will look at your IBL
roster for the upcoming season and cry.  But don't worry, those tears don't
have to be tears of despair and self loathing.  Those tears can be put to
good use.   Tears can inspire change.  Like that time I caught a glimpse of
myself in a mirror and went home and ate an entire cheesecake while
watching a repeat of the 79 World Series.  Cried for hours.  But from that
came good.....I realized that if you stop the tape after game 4, the O's
were up 3-1 and I imagined they must've won 1 more.  But I digress.

You will look at your roster and ask yourself..."self, who will I start at
SS?" or "self, who is my every day 1st baseman?".  And before your tears
start, you'll remember that the Sand Crabs have just what you need!

Name: Ryon Healy
Age: 27..(almost 4 in dog years)
Bats: with a bat....righty
Career WAR: 2.5!
Glove: yes
Career Batting Average: .265
Ryon Healy is unique in that he spells the word "Ryan" as "Ryon".  He's
also got 262 PA's at 1st, so you can pencil in Ryon every single day at
first and not feel bad in that dirty way you would if you had to pencil in
Kendrys Morales or Mark Trumbo.  Best of all, if you play the song "YMCA"
in the clubhouse, Ryon is already there! (he can make a "Y").  For the rest
of the letters, ask your catcher or left fielder
[image: image.png]


Name: Elvis Andrus
Age: 30 (but he looks 19)
Position: Shortstop
Weight: 200 (but he's on a cleanse)
Bats: Right
Writes: Right
2018 OBP: .308
Career WAR: 30 (THIRTY!)
He hasn't left the building, and he can be in YOUR building today! (or
whenever the trading restarts).  You can set your "suspicious minds" at
easy knowing that this "hound dog" is your everyday shortstop.  Pencil this
guy into your everyday lineup and no way you wind up "In the Ghetto" of the
IBL.   Best of all, he comes with his own sparkly get up (I think this
picture was taken when he was in the minors)
[image: image.png]

So before you start the season with Alcides Escobar as your everyday SS,
think Elvis who comes to you "all shook up" and even has his own "blue
suede shoes". (the puns just write themselves folks)

Ryon and Elvis.  They can be yours.  Looking for draft picks.  Or Bryce
Harper.  But you'll probably offer draft picks.

Inquire within

 (reminder to self: need more cheesecake)

Doug/BAL
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