[IBL] Ideas for your IBL team

[Doug Palmer]

Things to do with your IBL team when you’re not that good
(aka “how I accepted losing and love the bomb…ing”)



Another IBL season is 1/3 of the way finished and I’ve noticed a strange
phenomena of late.  Teams that were perennially good, suddenly suffering.  Now,
that isn’t to say that ALL of the perennial dominant teams are suffering or
even all that bad this year, but you can basically break the league down
into three categories.  There are the dominant teams (yes, Rusty…PHI is
dominant! J) who are motoring along without a care in the world.  I think
that we can all (mostly) agree that those teams are lepers and should be
ignored and shunned whenever possible.   Then there are the middling teams
who take a couple steps forward and then a couple steps back and just can’t
seem to find a grip (<cough>….Crabs….<cough>).  These teams we can
certainly sympathize with and those owners consoled and treated nicely
whenever possible.  And then there are the teams that couldn’t catch a
break if it had a handle on it.  I mean, teams where the rollbot has all
but dropped her drawers and deposited a hot and steamy one right in the
middle of their lineup.  And we have all been there (personally, I’ve
learned that it’s best to just go ahead and rent an apartment in that
particular circle of hell.  Just easier that way).  So it is with this in
mind, for the owners who at the 1/3rd pole are questioning their decisions
and why the rollbot and IBL in general hate them, I’ve come up with four
things to try with your IBL team when you know that there is no (little)
hope (aka: Crabbie Time!)

*Idea #1: Rollbot Bingo!*  First, put together a 5 x 5 grid with the
numbers 00 through 25 in the boxes.  Now, every time you have a DF roll and
one of those numbers come up (and they WILL come up often for you), check
off the appropriate box!  See how many bingo’s you can get in a weeks worth
of play.  Want to amp up the excitement?  Every time there is an IFR or OFR
roll for your OPPONENT and one of these numbers come up, check it off as
well.  You’ll be shouting out “Bingo” at any given time during your
matchups!  And everyone loves to hear “bingo” shouted every once in a while.

*Idea #2: IBL Boggle!*  This one takes some skill, but it’s fun.  Create a
lineup where you use the first letter of the players last name and come up
with interesting words!  For example, when I use Trumbo, Hosmer, Espinosa,
Rasmus, Machado, Altuve, Lagares and Suzuki……that gives you THERMALS.  If I
go with Suzuki, Lagares, Altuve, Markakis, Machado, Espinosa and Davis….we
get SLAMMED (in more ways than one).

*Idea #3: Lineup Toss Across!*  You’ve tried EVERY lineup combination
possible to jump start your offense?  Stop looking at OBP and BA…..it’s
never going to work.  Instead, set up a trash basket 10’ away from your
table (and the cards).  Take each card and try to toss it into the basket.  If
it goes in the basket, it’s in the lineup!  If it’s a leaner, it’s on the
bench.  If it ends up hitting your small child…..time to deactivate!  Make
lineup decision making FUN!

*Idea #4: Chug a Bum!*  This one could get dangerous….but you won’t care by
the end of it.  This one is simple, but will take a great deal of alcohol
(depending on the futility of your team).  Your “ace” just fatigued before
the 5th inning….chug a beer.  Your 9-rated defensive all star just made an
error….chug a beer!  You just pinch hit and the player removed would have
gotten a hit while the new player was out….chug a beer!!  Your best hitter
just left another RISP….chug a beer!  Your opponent just got a dinger off a
DF roll…for a Poor rated power hitter…..chug TWO beers!  You just got
caught stealing again, on an adjusted rating of 11 or higher….break out the
beer and chug one!  And if you REALLY want to play dangerously, don’t just
chug a good tasting IPA or even a cold and frosty Labatts.  Grab a Goebells!
Or a Red-White-Blue!  Or find some old Schlitz!  Either way, by the 5th
inning, you won’t care anymore!  You’ll be so wasted, you’ll be looking
forward to the next lousy rollbot roll!

These are just a few ideas to help while away the hours while your team
tries to decide if it’s a pretender (likely) or a contender (not).  It also
helps for those of you who typically play FtF, to make the decision to keep
playing FtF.  While an MIS may be necessary from time to time, the ideas
listed above really advocate ftf gameplay (how much excitement during a 8-0
loss in the middle innings to scream out "BINGO!" on screen!).  But most of
all, it makes enjoying the dog days of the IBL season that much more
fun……and endurable.
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