<div dir="ltr"><p class="MsoNormal"><i><ok, this year I wrote fewer funny emails about the Crabs. Consider it my holiday present to you! So here, to make up for the lack of brevity, I give you the 2016 Sand Crab Awards, already in progress></i></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Ladies and gentlemen, we have come together here in this
Kiwanas…um…..room I guess you’d call this, to partake in fresh cookies (thank
you to Micheal Cuddyer’s mom for bringing enough for everyone) and celebrate
the 2016 Crabbies. The only award show
not shown on TV, celebrating another year of Sand Crab Baseball. And now, on to the awards as we have to
finish up by 8 because that’s when the girl scouts need the room for their
troop meeting.<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Rookie Crab of the Year</u>: this one was closer than one would
have thought, but in the end, I think that the right one won. Kyle Schwarber is the winner this year,
narrowly beating out Mychal Givens for the award. Kyle knocked in 19 homers and batting a
robust .278 in his limited at bats.
Unfortunately, my crystal ball tells me that he’s going to have plenty
of time to catch up on The Walking Dead next year, as he’ll be uncarded. But I sense good things after that!<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Crab Most Likely to be Traded (and wasn’t)</u>: This was a tough
one as most EVERY Crab ends up on the most likely to be traded list each season
(yes, I’m looking at you Anibal!). But this
year, while there were MANY trades (seven if I remember correctly), the one
player that EVERYONE thought would be dealt and wasn’t was Micheal Cuddyer! (<i>despite
Jed’s best effort</i>s) Michael couldn’t be
here tonight as he has already sold his home, fired his agent, and has moved to
parts unknown. Michael, if you hear
about this, your award will be at Jeremy Affeldt’s house.<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Sand Crab “They were on the team?” Award</u>: This one goes to the player who was on the
roster all year and made hardly any impact.
Again, an award that has had many prestigious winners (Chris Coste,
wherever you are, we love ya!) but this year the winner was a no brainer. Come on down Preston Tucker! Many thought that he was around because he
was Chris Tucker’s brother or cousin or something. But truth is, he’s just a mediocre ballplayer
who got in a handful of games but lord if I can remember ANYTHING that he
did. Preston, when you’re working at
that Walmart down the road, remember that NO ONE can take away this award.<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And now for the big awards<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Sand Crab Ace of the Year:</u>
To present this award, two time SCAY winner and former Sand Crab Legend,
Jon Garland! Jon: It is my pleasure to
announce this year’s winner of the Sand Crab Ace of the Year. I hope that this winner will not suffer the
fate that I have received since winning the award. I tell you, those people living in my
basement were RENTERS dammit. Anyway,
the winner of this years award goes to Jake Arrieta. Jake, could you please stop those ridiculous
yoga poses for 2 seconds and take this damn thing before I shove it up your….
Announcer: HEY! Thank you Jon for those
stirring words. Jake wasn’t always his
dominant self, but he went 18-13 this year and won the big games when they
counted down the stretch.<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><u>Jack Cust Award:</u> This award, named after the only member of the
Sand Crab Hall of Honor to date, goes to the hitter who was the most valuable
one on the roster. A hitter who came to
play day in and day out and who always seemed to be there when we needed
it. And while many could have claimed
this award, only one takes it home. The 2016
recipient of the Jack Cust Award is……Eric Hosmer!!! While hitting .299 this year, Eric was an
exceptional defender (despite his G range) and seemed to come up with the big
hit whenever he played. <span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And lastly, we’re very proud to announce that in 2017, we
will be adding another name to the Sand Crab Hall of Honor. He’s a player who epitomized what it was to
be a Sand Crab back in the dark days (those days when we turned off the power
at 6pm because we couldn’t afford the electricity). Ladies and Sand Crab Hall of Honor……<b>TYLER
COLVIN</b>!!!!!!!!!!<span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thank you everyone for attending this years event. We apologize for the timing, but who in their
right mind would have thought that the Sand Crabs would be playing post season
baseball!!!! We’ve had to postpone the
Baltimore Flea Market and Motorcycle Show which was normally scheduled for the week
after the season ended. Man, those senior
citizens were MAD. Anyway, thank you to
everyone for another wonderful season of Sand Crab baseball.<span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span> </span></p>
<span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:107%;font-family:calibri,sans-serif">And to <b><u>all of you owners</u></b> who have rooted for the
Sand Crabs this and every year, a hearty thank you from the management. I can’t tell you how many “congratulations”
emails I’ve received. Even from the ones who
screwed me over in trades (I kid!..all trades are fair!). If
this season proves anything, it’s that <b>ANY </b>team can contend and that <b>ANY </b>team
can build a winner if you have patience, time, and don’t mind being told how
valuable BJ Upton really is (I KID!!!
Man, what a tough audience). Once
again, thank you!!! It's YOU GUYS that make the IBL fun.</span><br><div><span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:107%;font-family:calibri,sans-serif"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:107%;font-family:calibri,sans-serif">Doug Palmer</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:107%;font-family:calibri,sans-serif">GM and Emcee</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11pt;line-height:107%;font-family:calibri,sans-serif">Baltimore Sand Crabs</span></div></div>